Best 175 Stamp Jokes and Puns

How do you starve a black person?

How do you starve a black person? Put their food stamp card under their workboots!

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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

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Q: What stays in one corner but travels around the world?

Q: What stays in one corner but travels around the world? A: A stamp.

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Yo momma so stupid, she tried to mail a letter using food stamps.

Yo momma so stupid, she tried to mail a letter using food stamps.

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What My Blonde Friend Did

What My Blonde Friend Did

She called me to get my phone number.

She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She got stabbed in a shoot-out.

She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

She tried to put MM's in alphabetical order.

She sat on the TV and watched the couch.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She tried to drown a fish.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.

They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She tripped over a cordless phone.

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here" she put "Sagittarius."

She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

She studied for a blood test.

She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

She sold the car for gas money.

When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

-The Awesome 1

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Yo momma's so poor, when I told her about the Last Supper, she thought the food stamps had run out.

Yo momma's so poor, when I told her about the Last Supper, she thought the food stamps had run out.

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Yo momma is so stupid she ate her food stamps.

Yo momma is so stupid she ate her food stamps.

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A pakistani girl goes into the gynecologist Anant.

A pakistani girl goes into the gynecologist Anant. When he asks her what the problem is she replies, "Something is extremely wrong. I keep finding postage stamps in my vagina!"

He takes a look and laughs, "Dear, those aren't stamps. Those are stickers from the bananas."

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More jokes about: #Funny #Racial
As part of my job as a preschool teacher I have to help the children put on their coats and boots.

As part of my job as a preschool teacher I have to help the children put on their coats and boots. One day when school was over and the children were getting ready to leave, one child came over to me in tears “my boots are missing” she wailed. “they are in the corner” I said pointing to her boots. “Those are not mine!” she said, stamping her foot, “MINE HAD SNOW ON THEM!”

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Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet? A: To stamp out fire. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stamp out burning ducks.

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How do you starve a nigger?

How do you starve a nigger?

Hide his food stamps under his work boots

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Navy biscuits.

Navy biscuits.

An Admiral visited one of the ships of the line under his command. While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit.

He went to the Chief cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command.

The Chief replied, "I'd be glad to share that with you, Admiral. After each biscuit is cut, I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the Navy insignia.

Horrified the Admiral exclaims, "That's very unhygienic!"

The Chief shrugs and replies, "Well, If that's the way you feel, sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts."

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3 men.

3 men.

catch her at it. When I got back to our apartment I crept in but my wife was in the shower alone. I felt bad for thinking she was having an affair and went onto our balcony for some quiet reflection.

When I got there, I could see some fingers holding onto the edge of the building. The man having an affair with my wife was hiding. So i stamped on his hands to make him fall. He fell but landed in a bush. I wanted to kill him so i pushed our fridge over the edge to crush him. As i pushed it off, I slipped and fell to my death."

The 2nd man tells of his death.

"I was watering my plants on the balcony of my apartment. I slipped and fell over the edge but luckily managed to cling onto the balcony below. I had just began to pull myself up when someone stamped on my hands and I fell. Luckily I fell into a bush. I thought I was safe but as I opened my eyes the last thing I saw was a fridge hurtling towards me."

The 3rd man tells of his death.

"Picture this.... I'm hiding in a fridge..."

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Fun fact: members of the equine family can send messages to each other by stamping the ground in distinct patterns.

Fun fact: members of the equine family can send messages to each other by stamping the ground in distinct patterns.

It's their Horse Code.

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A woman goes to the post office for stamps for Hanukkah cards.

A woman goes to the post office for stamps for Hanukkah cards.

She asks the cashier for stamps and the cashier replies, “What denomination?” The woman thinks for a moment and responds, “I’ll take six Orthodox, twelve Conservative, and thirty-two Reform, please.”

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Hanukkah stamps.

Hanukkah stamps.

A woman goes to the post office and asks to buy some Hanukkah stamps. The clerk asks: "What denomination would you like?" The woman thinks for a moment and says: "6 Orthodox, 4 Conservative, and 2 Reform."

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Yo' Mama is so ghetto, she puts food stamps in a money clip.

Yo' Mama is so ghetto, she puts food stamps in a money clip.

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A rich man died and went to Heaven.

A rich man died and went to Heaven.

nd told him that all he had to do was imagine what he wanted and it would show up in the briefcase. The man already knew what he wanted, so it only took a second for the briefcase to be filled to the brim with gold bars, all stamped with 24k on them.

Peter looked at the rich man and raised an eyebrow.

"That's fine if that's what you want, but I gotta ask. Why are you bringing pavement?"

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As part of my job as a preschool teacher I have to help the children put on their coats and boots.

As part of my job as a preschool teacher I have to help the children put on their coats and boots. One day when school was over and the children were getting ready to leave, one child came over to me in tears “my boots are missing” she wailed. “they are in the corner” I said pointing to her boots. “Those are not mine!” she said, stamping her foot, “MINE HAD SNOW ON THEM!”

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The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Trump.

The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Trump.

However, the stamp wasn't sticking to the envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a detailed enquiry into the matter After weeks of testing and $ 1 million in Congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings "The stamp is in perfe... read more

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