Best 10000+ Start out Jokes and Puns

An Irishman, an Indian man, a British man, and a Scottish man are riding in a plane.

An Irishman, an Indian man, a British man, and a Scottish man are riding in a plane. The pilot shouts back, "We need to lose some weight or we'll crash!" So the Irishman throws out some beer and saying, "We got enough of that in our country." The Indian throws out some curry and says, "We got enough off that in our country." The Scottish man throws some bagpipes off and says, "We got enough of that in our country." Then the British man picks up the Indian and chucks him off the plane saying, "We got enough off them that in our country."

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Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

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There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash.

There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash. They each have to throw something off the plane to save them from crashing. The black man throws out his Jordan shoes and says, "We have too many in our country.” The Mexican tosses out his lawn mower and says, "We have too many in our country.” The white man puts his item down, grabs the Mexican, throws him out the window and says, "We have too many in our country.”

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Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

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Yo mamma is so ugly when she took a bath the water jumped out.

Yo mamma is so ugly when she took a bath the water jumped out.

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3 drunk guys enterd a taxi.

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

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Yo mama so ugly when she went into a haunted house she came out with a job application.

Yo mama so ugly when she went into a haunted house she came out with a job application.

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An Irishman walks out of a bar.

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."

The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

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Yo momma so fat when she steps out in a yellow raincoat, the people yell, "TAXI!"

Yo momma so fat when she steps out in a yellow raincoat, the people yell, "TAXI!"

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Yo mamma is so ugly, she scared the shit out of the toilet.

Yo mamma is so ugly, she scared the shit out of the toilet.

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A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

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Yo momma is so stupid when your dad sad it was chilly outside, she ran out the door with a spoon!

Yo momma is so stupid when your dad sad it was chilly outside, she ran out the door with a spoon!

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A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator.

A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."

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Q: How does a black girl tell if she is pregnant?

Q: How does a black girl tell if she is pregnant? A: When she pulls the tampon out all the cotton is picked.

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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

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Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam?

Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam?

When the generals would yell, "Get down!" they would all start dancing.

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Yo mama so fat I tried driving around her and I ran out of gas.

Yo mama so fat I tried driving around her and I ran out of gas.

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