Best 114 Swimmer Jokes and Puns

Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals because all the best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.

Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals because all the best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.

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More jokes about: #National jokes
Three babies are in their mother's womb.

Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says, "I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says, "I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm going to chop that thing in half!"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who's swimming?.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who's swimming?.

Bob

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More jokes about: #Swimming #Swimmer #Leg #Call #Swim
Charlie Sheen's a fantastic swimmer!.

Charlie Sheen's a fantastic swimmer!.

His breast stroke's impeccable

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More jokes about: #Swimmer #Sheen
You ever heard of that one swimmer with heart problems?.

You ever heard of that one swimmer with heart problems?.

I guess you can say he had bad backstrokes

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More jokes about: #Swimmer #Backstroke
The Lodger.

The Lodger.

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few week... read more

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More jokes about: #Swimmer #Oddity #Terrace
There were 500 bricks on a plane...

There were 500 bricks on a plane...

One fell out. How many were left?499What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?Open the door, take the elephant out, put th... read more

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More jokes about: #Swimmer
Once upon a time there was a monk, who farmed carrots.

Once upon a time there was a monk, who farmed carrots.

Every day a thief would sneak into his farm and steal 3 carrots. The monk always tried to stop him, but never succeeded. He began to wonder why the thief was stealing exactly 3 carrots each time. He decided he was going to stop the thief. He started chasing him through the fields, but got outran ver... read more

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More jokes about: #Carrots #Swimmer #Carrot #Succeed
Why do the best swimmers come from Flint, Michigan?.

Why do the best swimmers come from Flint, Michigan?.

Because they're always in the lead.

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More jokes about: #Swimmer #Michigan #Swimmers
Daddy's little swimmer.

Daddy's little swimmer.

A class of 8 years old are at the winning pool. All the kids jump in except little Johnny who has Down Syndrom.Teacher comes to him and asks if he can swim."yes I can" he answers"Are you afraid to go in?""No" he answers."Go ahead, jump and enjoy then" says the teacherSo littl... read more

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More jokes about: #Swimmer #Overboard
How did Barbie get to be such a good swimmer?.

How did Barbie get to be such a good swimmer?.

She trained with doll-fins.

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More jokes about: #Trained
I'm surprised North Korea has an Olympic team.

I'm surprised North Korea has an Olympic team.

Their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers have already defected

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More jokes about: #Jumpers #Defected
There once was a young engineer...

There once was a young engineer...

ery chance they got. The kids loved it. Friends visited for the quiet and the fishing.

The engineer however, wanted something unique for his cabin. He had been an award-winning pole vaulter in college. He therefore built a set of poles with a crosspiece, and a mulched run. He bought a new carbon fiber vaulting pole and a new pair of shoes, and was all set.

He would set off down the run, plant his pole, soar over the crosspiece, and land in the river with a satisfying splash. It was a great way to spend a hot afternoon.

The engineer and his family had been enjoying the cabin for years, and went out early in the spring. It had been a very wet winter, with lots of rain afterwards. When they arrived, the river was up and flowing at a good clip, with twice the usual amount of current flowing.

The engineer was determined to enjoy a few vaults into the water, even though his wife thought it was too dangerous. He was a good swimmer however, and proceeded to have a go at it. His run and jump were flawless. He hit the water in good form, but he was swept downstream and disappeared. His body was found later that day, tangled in debris on the side of the stream.

It was a sad end for the engineer. His family sold the cabin, with no desire to return to the scene of such tragedy.

Our lamented engineer was a civil engineer. Had he consulted an electrical engineer, he would have been warned that it's not the vaultage that kills you, it's the current.

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Last year, a group of us in a triathlon were run over by a speed boat, and I was one of the lucky few who survived.

Last year, a group of us in a triathlon were run over by a speed boat, and I was one of the lucky few who survived.

All I got was some swimmer’s ear.

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More jokes about: #Swimmer
How does a narcoleptic swimmer keep from drowning?.

How does a narcoleptic swimmer keep from drowning?.

With a snorekel.

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More jokes about: #Drown #Drowning #Swimmer
Obama died joke.

Obama died joke.

you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said...........

"OK, Monica, you're free to go.

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More jokes about: #Barrack
Did you hear about the Scooby Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer?.

Did you hear about the Scooby Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer?.

He would have won, if it weren't for all those medaling swimmers!

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More jokes about: #Swimmer #Swimmers #Villain
Blonde Race.

Blonde Race.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all lifeguards. Each thought they were better swimmers than the others. So they decided to have a race down across the town lake. To make the race fair it was decided that everyone was to use the breaststroke. The lake was huge so it took the redhead, obv... read more

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More jokes about: #Swimmer #Swimmers
Three disabled swimmers are competing in one tournament.

Three disabled swimmers are competing in one tournament.

First does not have legs, judges is asking him how he is going to swim he answers "You will see" and he is thrown into the water. He finishes the race using only his arms. Second one does not have arms, again judge asks him how he is going to do it, he replies "You will see". He is jumps in to t... read more

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Why are dogs such good swimmers?.

Why are dogs such good swimmers?.

Cause they’re good buoys

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More jokes about: #Swimmer #Swimmers