Best 164 Troopers Jokes and Puns

Bishop TD Jakes is returning to Texas after a speaking engagement.

Bishop TD Jakes is returning to Texas after a speaking engagement. When his plane arrives, there is a limousine there to transport him to his home in Dallas. As he prepares to get into the limo, he stops and speaks to the driver. "You know," he says, "I am almost 50 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?" The driver says, "No problem." Bishop TD Jakes gets into the driver's seat, and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sits a rookie state trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo goes by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulls out, easily catches the limo, and gets out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walks up to the driver's door, and when the glass is rolled down, he is surprised to see who is driving. He immediately excuses himself, goes back to his car, and calls his supervisor. He tells the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law, but I also know that important people are sometimes given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person." The supervisor asks, "Is it the Governor?" The young trooper says, "No, he's more important than that." The supervisor says, "Oh, so it's the President." The young trooper says, "No, he's even more important than that." The supervisor finally asks, "Well then, who is it?" The young trooper says, "I think it's Jesus, because he's got TD Jakes for a chauffeur!!!"

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More jokes about: #Religious jokes
Why are storm troopers so inaccurate?.

Why are storm troopers so inaccurate?.

Because they're Imperial

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More jokes about: #Storm
Why does the Empire have to clone Storm Troopers?.

Why does the Empire have to clone Storm Troopers?.

Because when they shoot they always miss

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More jokes about: #Empire
An 80-year old man buys a Corvette.

An 80-year old man buys a Corvette.

ry excuse in the book but if you give me one I haven't heard, I'll let you go."

The 80-year old looks the trooper up and down and says, "My wife left me thirty year ago for a highway patrolman and Inwas afraid you were bringing her back!"

Trooper closes his book and sends the Corvette driver on his way!

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More jokes about: #Corvette #Patrolman
But Officer...

But Officer...

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.Approaching the car... read more

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More jokes about: #Peep
Fiat vs Ferrari.

Fiat vs Ferrari.

t the State of the Car Jim decides to pull over and lend this poor Bloke a hand. After enquiring where the Problem is Jim offers to tow the Guy to the next workshop which the Fiat drivers graciously accepts.

So after talking things through with the Driver, Jim suggests the other guy get into his Fiat. Before starting tho they agree that in case Jim is speeding the Driver in the Fiat should honk his horn and flash his lights so Jim would know when things are moving to fast for the Fiat driver. After all the Fiat driver is not used to the neckbreaking Speeds a Ferrari LaFerrari is capable off.

Once they got back on the 2 Lane Highway Jim was driving on the right line with a moderate Speed as suddenly:"Wroooom!!". A Bright Yellow Lamborghini blitzes past them while looking straight at Jim and poking fun at him.

Jim, obviously, wasn't having none of that Cocky Shit and hits the Pedal to The Metal as he begins rushing after the Lamborghini Driver.

After a While Jim catches up and the two of them go on to race their cars to the Maximum. Forcing their Cars engines to the absolute Brink as they race each other Head to Head.

They go on like that for a while until they pass a Police Trooper on speed control duty. The Officer witnessing the Race just feints and drops on His back. In Shock his Colleague ran over to check on him. After a bit the Officer regains his Conscience and his Partner asks Him WTF happened?

Officer:" Dude I've just seen a Ferrari And a Lamborghini speeding. They have booth been doing over 200 M/pH.!!". "Well..." the other Officer sighs.. "That's still no reason to pass out tho"?

"Well you haven't seen the Fiat 500 behind the two, honking his Horn and trying to get into the lead..."

P. S: If you've made it this far.. Hope you've enjoyed the joke albeit it's a long one! And also Apologies for my Bad English(not my first language) and also apologize for any Spelling/Formatting mistakes... Was typing this up on Mobile!

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More jokes about: #Horn #Blitz #Regain #Fiat #Tow
As a state trooper, I hear many excuses by those caught speeding.

As a state trooper, I hear many excuses by those caught speeding. Once, the driver ran back to my patrol unit to tell me someone in the car was sick and he was taking her to the hospital. I let the man go, but was suspicious when he declined my offer of a police escort. I decided to follow him. By the time we reached the emergency entrance of the local hospital, I was feeling a little foolish about not trusting the man. When I noticed he was having difficulty getting an elderly woman out of his car, I walked over to offer my assistance. It was then that I overheard the struggling woman say, Leave me alone. You told him someone was sick, so you be the sick one.I wrote the ticket.

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An older couple is driving down the highway...

An older couple is driving down the highway...

An older couple is driving down the highway when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up to the driver side window and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" And from the passenger's side, he hears a woman yell, "WWHHAAAAAT?!?" The driver turns to her and shouts, "HE WANTS T... read more

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More jokes about: #Michigan
A police officer catches Dave duck-hunting, checks to make sure he has the right license.

A police officer catches Dave duck-hunting, checks to make sure he has the right license.

So Dave went hunting in the woods, one day, and ***BAM!***, shot a duck.A bored, nearby trooper waiting in his patrol car near the highway hears the gunshot, gets out, and runs into the woods to find Dave holding the duck. The trooper yells, pointing at Dave, "You stop right there! L... read more

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A Jumper.

A Jumper.

On January 9 a group of Pekin IL , bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped.

The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After she's finished, George gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl".

The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!

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More jokes about: #West #Trooper
Why are storm troopers so clingy?.

Why are storm troopers so clingy?.

Cause no matter where you're at they'll always miss you.

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More jokes about: #Matter #Storm #Troopers
Sugar Shorts . . .

Sugar Shorts . . .

f the railing, and says, "Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin’?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!”

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," Walter also didn't want to miss this the "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . . why don't you give ole Hawk here your best last kiss?”

So with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . . and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, Walter gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether he jumped or was pushed.

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An old couple was driving through Kentucky.

An old couple was driving through Kentucky.

As they were driving down one stretch of highway, they got pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper approached the car and asked the driver to roll down his window. "Hi sir, do you know why I pulled you over today?" "Actually no sir, I don't." "You were going 75 in a 55... read more

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More jokes about: #Kentucky
An Oklahoma State Trooper pulls over a circus clown for speeding.

An Oklahoma State Trooper pulls over a circus clown for speeding.

't give you a ticket." The clown says "I don't have my equipment, it got sent ahead of me."

The trooper says excitedly "I've got some flares in the back of my car."

As the clown begins juggling the flares on the side of the road, a good-old boy, drunk off his ass, pulls in behind the trooper to witness the spectacle. After watching for a few minutes, the man then climbs into the back seat of the squad car. The trooper, having never seen a man arrest himself before, walks over to the man and asks "What are you doin, son?"

The man says "You may as well take me to jail now, 'cause I ain't gonna pass that test."

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More jokes about: #Squad
A man is pulled over speeding..

A man is pulled over speeding..

the State Trooper walks up to the driver's window and asks the driver "do you know why I pulled you over?" "Yes" the man says, "I was speeding." "Why were you speeding?" the Trooper asks.

"My ex-wife left me for a Trooper, and I thought maybe you were him, trying to bring her back!"

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More jokes about: #Exwife #Trooper
Driving home very drunk.

Driving home very drunk.

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.

"Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked? He admitted that he was.

"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.

"And what did you do then," the troopers asked." The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.

"Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage.

"May we see the car?" asked the troopers. The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.

Inside the garage was the state troopers car.

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More jokes about: #Tested #Trooper #Matters
An older gentleman bought a brand new Corvette Stingray and drove it off the lot.

An older gentleman bought a brand new Corvette Stingray and drove it off the lot.

He then immediately went to the nearest highway. He decided he was just going to see what it could do. He gets going up to 80 mph, then 90, then up to 100. He is getting excited when he sees a state trooper behind him, he then just panics and puts his foot to the floor, accelerating himself ... read more

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More jokes about: #Accelerating #Stingray #Corvette
What are Star Wars clone troopers muscles built of?.

What are Star Wars clone troopers muscles built of?.

Kamino acids.

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A Red Shirt and a Storm Trooper get in a Fire Fight in a Hallway...

A Red Shirt and a Storm Trooper get in a Fire Fight in a Hallway...

The Storm trooper misses every shot, but the Red shirt still dies.

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More jokes about: #Storm #Hallway
22 mph speed limit.

22 mph speed limit.

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 136."

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