Best 1066 Truck Jokes and Puns

There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck.

There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck. One day he saw a priest walking down the road and thought, "For all the bad things I done, let me give this priest a ride." So he picked the priest up and they drove along. The redneck saw a black guy down the road and decided he would pretend to fall asleep and so the priest would think it was an accident. The redneck closed his eyes and heard a loud bang. "What happened?" he asked. "You missed him," the priest said, "but I got him with the door."

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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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A Mexican, a Cuban, and a Chinese guy are riding in a truck.

A Mexican, a Cuban, and a Chinese guy are riding in a truck. Who's driving? Immigration.

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A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

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During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!"

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Yo momma is so poor she went running after the garbage truck with a grocery list.

Yo momma is so poor she went running after the garbage truck with a grocery list.

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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up drink my poison."

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On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong."

She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

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During lunch at work last week, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldnt).

During lunch at work last week, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldnt).

When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight. He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.

I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the

telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the bli

ndfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump!

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes.The pleasure was indescribable!

Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses. By madlayisani mudifho-utshikondoni (facebook username)

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A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn.

A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, "I'm here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I'm going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their balls which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck." The man says "Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?" The animal control employee says, "Oh, that's for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."

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A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it.

A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie."

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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.

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The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

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What's the fastest thing in the world?

What's the fastest thing in the world?

A beer truck driving through an Indian reserve

What's the second fastest thing in the world?

The Indians running after it

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So a kid comes home from school and goes in his house and his mom asks him, "What'd you do in school today?"

So a kid comes home from school and goes in his house and his mom asks him, "What'd you do in school today?" and her son replies, "I had sex with my teacher..." Her mom yelled, "Oh my gosh! Son that is not okay! Go upstairs to your room and wait till your dad gets home." The boy goes upstairs in his room and stands in the corner. His dad comes home and goes in his room and asks him, "Mom told me you did something at school today?" and he answers, "Yes, I had sex with my teacher." His claps with excitement and says "Alright! Way to go son! That's my boy! C'mon! I'm taking you downtown to get you the best bicycle." They hop in the truck and drive to the bike shop and find the nicest bike in the market. His dad looks at him and asks, "Son do you want to ride your bike home?" he replies, "No." With a questioned face he says, "Well why not?" so his son answers, "Cause my butt is sore." and his father asks, "Well, why is your butt sore?" and his son says, "Cause I had sex with my teacher..."

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Yo momma so poor that I saw her running after garbage truck with a shopping list

Yo momma so poor that I saw her running after garbage truck with a shopping list

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The truck driver stopped to picked up the girl hitchhiker in short shorts.

The truck driver stopped to picked up the girl hitchhiker in short shorts. "Say, what's your name, mister? " she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck. "It's Snow, Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours? "I'm June, June Hansen," she said. "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances? " she challenged the trucker some miles down the road. "Can you imagine what it might be like," he countered with a question of his own, "Having eight inches of Snow in June? "

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Q: What has four wheels and flies?

Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck.

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The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it.

The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it.

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Family #Food #Life
If your buddy says that he ran over a coon with this truck on the way over and you think good that's one less black person in the world, you might be a redneck.

If your buddy says that he ran over a coon with this truck on the way over and you think good that's one less black person in the world, you might be a redneck.

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