Best 158 Valley Jokes and Puns

Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks?

Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks? A: Silicon Valley.

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Stable bulls.

Stable bulls.

eet. So mostly, they huddled in the valleys, picking over what they could find.

The bulls on the other hand, enjoyed the tender shoots at the top of the hills. The wind, and even the occasional tremor seem to have no affect on them. This caused not just a little muttering and consternation among the cows.

One particularly windy day, the bravest (and hungriest) of the females struggled to the top of the hill to talk to the bulls. She fell over twice on the way up, but she was determined to find out their secret. "How do you guys stand up here?" she asked.

Looking up from a particularly sweet patch of clover, the oldest one said "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."

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I've heard that students in Death Valley get terrible grades.

I've heard that students in Death Valley get terrible grades.

They never get above C level.

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The best perk of my job in Silicon valley is the always fully stocked fridge.

The best perk of my job in Silicon valley is the always fully stocked fridge.

I just don't get why the vendor gave the food human names..oh well.

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More jokes about: #Silicon #Stocked
Redneck sits next to the silicon valley kid on the overnight train ride.

Redneck sits next to the silicon valley kid on the overnight train ride.

Redneck really wants to sleep, but silicone valley kid won't shut up, describing the wonders of technology.\- Nowadays I can find an answer to any question, no matter how hard, you just need to know how to use tech!Redneck really wants to sleep. But the kid keeps showing his gadgets,... read more

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Jimbo and Jon, two cowboys see a wanted poster for Indian scalps...

Jimbo and Jon, two cowboys see a wanted poster for Indian scalps...

The poster says there will be a fifty dollar reward for each scalp brought back. So Jimbo and Jon decide to try and make some money.

They get supplies together and head straight into Apache territory hoping to find a couple unsuspecting Indians. The first day they manage to sneak up on one and get his scalp, but they figure that fifty dollars isn't a good enough payout and so they set up camp in a valley for the night with the hopes of getting more the next day.

The next morning Jimbo wakes up early and starts cooking some breakfast on the campfire when suddenly all around the whole ridge around their valley campsite hundreds of angry Apache Indians appear holding their spears and bows staring at the Jimbo like death.

Jimbo's eyes go wide and he darts into the tent "Jon! Jon! Wake up!" He yells, shaking Jon awake. "We're gonna be RICH!"

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More jokes about: #Hoping
If the space between a woman's natural breasts is called "cleavage,"...

If the space between a woman's natural breasts is called "cleavage,"...

Then the space between a woman's fake breasts must be the Silicone Valley?

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More jokes about: #Valley #Silicon #Silicone
What's Californians favourite dish?.

What's Californians favourite dish?.

The Chilli Con Valley.

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Why do Nature Valley Granola Bars make good trail food?.

Why do Nature Valley Granola Bars make good trail food?.

Because they go fucking-everywhere! When you eat them.

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More jokes about: #Trail
Jimbo and Jon, two cowboys see a wanted poster for Indian scalps...

Jimbo and Jon, two cowboys see a wanted poster for Indian scalps...

d get his scalp, but they figure that fifty dollars isn't a good enough payout and so they set up camp in a valley for the night with the hopes of getting more the next day.

The next morning Jimbo wakes up early and starts cooking some breakfast on the campfire when suddenly all around the whole ridge around their valley campsite hundreds of angry Apache Indians appear holding their spears and bows staring at the Jimbo like death.

Jimbo's eyes go wide and he darts into the tent "Jon! Jon! Wake up!" He yells, shaking Jon awake. "We're gonna be RICH!"

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If a woman has butt implants...

If a woman has butt implants...

is her buttcrack silicone valley?

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More jokes about: #Silicone
What do you call the area between 2 fake tits?.

What do you call the area between 2 fake tits?.

silicon valley.

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More jokes about: #Valley #Silicon
A young bull and an old bull...

A young bull and an old bull...

n the hill and fuck all of them."

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At an all-you-can-eat buffet, my nine-year-old was excited to find a chocolate milk machine.

At an all-you-can-eat buffet, my nine-year-old was excited to find a chocolate milk machine. But her aunt did not approve. “Chocolate milk for dinner?” she asked. “It’s delicious!” said my daughter. Her aunt shrugged. “Well, its 8 a.m. somewhere.” Nichole Vikdal, Yucca Valley, California

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More jokes about: #Bar
I was out duck hunting with Olivia Wilde.

I was out duck hunting with Olivia Wilde.

After a while, Olivia spotted a massive duck in the distance and insisted that I hunt it down. I started to follow it, through bushes and brambles, woods and fields, over hills and through valleys, until finally, I caught up with it. The huge duck turned in my direction, honked and started r... read more

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More jokes about: #Goose #Valley
Did you hear silicon valley is seceding from the USA?.

Did you hear silicon valley is seceding from the USA?.

Theyre forming the USB

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A Texan, a Kentuckian, a Californian, and an Oregonian are all sitting around a campfire...

A Texan, a Kentuckian, a Californian, and an Oregonian are all sitting around a campfire...

n record time, throws the rest of the full cans up in the air, and shoots each one individually with the gun. The group is incredulous, and asks him why he just wasted all that beer. He smirks and says "Where I come from, we got a lot of that."

Not to be outdone, the Kentuckian reaches into his bag, pulls out a .45 and a bottle of fine Kentucky bourbon. He opens it up, takes one good long drink, throws the mostly full bottle up in the air, and blasts it to smithereens. Same as before, everybody is upset at the waste of perfectly good booze, and asks him why he did it. He looks dead at the Texan and says, "Where I come from, we got a lot of that."

Now the Californian is thinking he can't let these hillbillies upstage him. He goes back to his car, pulls out his prize Sig Sauer (a movie prop he bought at auction) and a $3000, award-winning bottle of Napa Valley Red. He opens it, sniffs the cork, swirls the wine around, and without drinking a sip throws the bottle in the air and shoots it. Everyone is flabbergasted he would waste so much money. He turns to the southerners and sniffs, "Where I come from we have a lot of that."

Now everyone is looking at the Oregonian. He pulls out a Nalgene bottle full of something he obviously brewed at home. Everyone starts to snicker. He turns to the Californian and asks to borrow his gun, since he doesn't own one of his own. Expectations are high now -- Is there something special in the bottle? The Oregonian opens the lid on a solid craft brew, takes a long, relaxed sip, and shoots the Californian.

The Texan and Kentuckian are in shock. "Good God, man! What the hell d'ya do that for? Ya killt 'im!" The Oregonian shrugs, takes another sip, and says, "Where I come from, we got a lot of that."

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Once upon a time...

Once upon a time...

m a very wealthy man.

One day, the farmer's child leaves his guitar outside as his mother calls him for dinner. Curiously, the gang of animals approaches the instrument. The pig picks it up and strums tentatively trying to mimic what he saw the boy doing. He finds that he is a natural and when the farmer hears - he instantly sees the business potential.

So the very next day, the farmer buys a drum-set, bass and another guitar and hands one to each of the animals. The horse himself took a liking to guitar whilst the sheep took the drums, leaving the cow on bass guitar. By sheer narrative convenience, all the animals showed prodigious skill at their respective instruments and became proficient players very quickly. The horse, with his gravelly melancholic voice assumed the role of vocalist.

Their first gig was a roaring success and set them on the road for superstardom. It turned out that the saturated music market had a niche for a band of rock playing animals. Within weeks, they had released their first album and planned on doing a world tour. Tickets at every destination sell out almost instantly.

The first half of their tour was uneventful, however, the horse - not used to the pressures of being a celebrity- began to use alcohol as escapism. He told himself he was in control but the other bandmembers noticed his problem and grew increasingly worried for the horse.

One fateful night, the tourbus loses control on the tarmac and slips off the road into a sharp valley - everybody is killed but the horse. He stumbles out of the wreckage and begins searching for his friends and every corpse he stumbles across breaks him even more.

The funeral was a dull affair and despite their stardom, few people turned up. The horse wept bitterly for his friends who he thought deserved a better farewell. Turning and leaving the procession, he wanders aimlessly into the city.

Day quickly turns into night and a storm approaches. The horse hears the thunder in the distance, but he keeps walking like a man without cause. As the first drop begin to fall, the horse spies the neon lights of a bar which promise a warm refuge away from the rain and more importantly, his grief.

So, the horse walks into the bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

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A computer that knows everything.

a computer that knows everything.

he kid asks the computer: "Where is my father?"

The computer replies: "Your father is in Europe. But don't tell this to the moron who is hiding in the next room..."

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A vampire walks into a vampure bar with his face covered in blood.

A vampire walks into a vampure bar with his face covered in blood.

"

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