Best 374 Wire Jokes and Puns

An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.

An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.

The old timer asks the kid, "Hey son. Whatcha got there?"

The kid replies, "I got me some chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens."

The old timer responds, "Oh son, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."

A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.

"Well, I'll be...'" says the old timer scratching his head.

The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.

The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?"

The kid responds, "I got me some duct tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks."

The old timer laughs, "Son, you can't catch no ducks using duct tape."

A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."

The old man cannot believe his eyes.

The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.

The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?"

The kid shouts back to the old timer, "I got me some pussy willow."

The old timer shouts out, "Hold on son...while I get my hat!"

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More jokes about: #Funny #Redneck
Q: What do you get with a fist and a long piece of wire?

Q: What do you get with a fist and a long piece of wire?A: A horrible punchline.

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
After much nagging from his wife, Sam was visiting the audiologist.

After much nagging from his wife, Sam was visiting the audiologist. Yes, he would need hearing aids and they ranged in price from $10.00 to $2,000, was what he was told.

“I’ll try the $10.00 pair” Sam said.

The nurse placed the hearing aids into his ears and hung a wire around his neck.

“Does the wire really have to be around my neck?” asked Sam.

“Why of course!” replied the nurse. “You think these things in your ears do anything?! It’s the wire around your neck – it makes people talk louder!”

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More jokes about: #Old #People
I'm a teacher. If your child is doing school work at home in the coming weeks and you’re struggling then please feel free to ask...

I'm a teacher. If your child is doing school work at home in the coming weeks and you’re struggling then please feel free to ask...

... someone else as I want to watch every season of The Wire

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More jokes about: #Wire #The
A man touched a bare wire to see what would happen. What happened next shocked him.

A man touched a bare wire to see what would happen. What happened next shocked him.

He remained unharmed.

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More jokes about: #Wire
As I was walking through a variety store, I stopped at the pet department to look at some parakeets.

As I was walking through a variety store, I stopped at the pet department to look at some parakeets. In one cage a green bird lay on his back, one foot hooked oddly into the cage wire. I was about to alert the saleswoman to the bird's plight when I noticed a sign taped to the cage: No, I am not sick. No, I am not dead. No, my leg is not stuck in the cage. I just like to sleep this way.

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More jokes about: #Animal
What is black and smokes and is attached to electrical wires?.

What is black and smokes and is attached to electrical wires?.

A bad electrician

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More jokes about: #Wire #Electrical #Wires
A bar joke.

A bar joke.

There are these 2 guys sitting at a bar, one is a tourist, and the other one is a local. The local is very old and very drunk, and the tourist is just having a drink.The local starts saying, in a drunken stupor. "I built the bridge on main street! But no one calls me Joe the Bridge Builder"... read more

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More jokes about: #The #Wire
What happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence?.

what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence?.

Udder destruction!

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More jokes about: #Fence #Wire #Udder
I like the way you think!.

I like the way you think!.

" The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.

Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, "No, there would be one -- the one that the farmer shot."

The teacher replied, "No, Johnny, you're wrong, but I like the way you think."

"OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you," boasted Johnny. "Let's say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?"

After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, "Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and sucks out the inside."

Johnny responded, "No, teacher, you're wrong -- it's the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

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My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said.

My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said.

I think he's in for a shock.

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More jokes about: #Wire #Electrician
My dad explained the working world to me this way :.

My dad explained the working world to me this way :.

Imagine everyone are birds on hanging wires. The birds on different levels of overhead hanging electrical wires are a representation of positions of power in a company.Birds on the highest level are your CEOs. Likewise, as the levels decrease, so do the positions. The lower levels contain th... read more

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More jokes about: #Overhead #Downwards
(Long) An elderly man was sitting on his porch one day..

(Long) An elderly man was sitting on his porch one day..

ith that"

At the end of the day, here came Tommy walking the other way with the chicken wire dragging behind him and there were about a dozen chickens caught up in it. The man just shook his head.

The next day the man was back out on the porch and here came Tommy again, carrying some rolls of tape.

Man: "Tommy, what the heck are you up to this time?"

Tommy: "This is duck tape, gonna go catch me some ducks"

Man: "Tommy, you fool, you may have caught chickens yesterday but you can't catch ducks with duct tape!"

Once again at the end of the day, here came Tommy back down the street dragging a long strip of tape behind him with a bunch of ducks all caught up in it. The man just shook his head again.

The next day came and the man was out on the porch early to see what Tommy would do this time. Pretty soon he saw Tommy coming up the street carrying a bunch of branches.

Man: "Tommy, what fool thing are you up to today??"

Tommy: "These are pussy willow branches...."

Man: "Hold up for a second Tommy, let me go get my hat"

Probably a repost (what isn't), but always a favorite joke of mine. My first post on here so don't be too cruel lol.

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More jokes about: #Duct #Tape #Tommy
So I walked past a wired fence today.

So I walked past a wired fence today.

Somebody from behind shouted: "Be careful, it might be electrified! If you touch it, you will get the shock of a lifetime!"I looked the person dead in the eye and without hesitation, I grabbed the fence to prove them wrongMy mother, who was walking next me then told me I was adopted

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More jokes about: #Wire
Mom never told me I shouldn't touch electric wires.

Mom never told me I shouldn't touch electric wires.

Imagine my shock when I got grounded!

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More jokes about: #Electric #Never #Wires
How did the mob identify the copper?.

How did the mob identify the copper?.

By finding a wire!

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More jokes about: #Copper #Mob
So two guys walk into a bar..

So two guys walk into a bar..

Which is wired cause you'd think after the first guy walked into it, the other guy would just walk around

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More jokes about: #Wired
4 months ago a group of scientists from England...

4 months ago a group of scientists from England...

...discovered copper wire in a dig 50 meters below the ground and concluded that their must have been wired technology 500 years ago in that area. 2 months later a group of scientists from Australia dug 100 meters into the ground and found copper wire and concluded that there must have been wired technology 1000 years ago in that area. Last month a group of scientists from Newfoundland dug 200 meters into the ground and found nothing....baffled by the discovery they concluded that there must have been wireless technology 2000 years ago in that area!

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More jokes about: #Wired
How many Border Collies does it take to screw in a light bulb?.

How many Border Collies does it take to screw in a light bulb?.

Just one. And I can fix any loose wiring while I'm at it.

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More jokes about: #Wiring
Positive Attitude.

Positive Attitude.

Late in the night, he finally regained consciousness.He was in the hospital, in terrible pain.He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his nose, needles and IV drips in both arms,a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him.He reali... read more

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More jokes about: #Iv #Drips