Best 10000+ Your wallet Jokes and Puns

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

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Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.

Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.

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I know 10 facts about you:

I know 10 facts about you:

Fact 1: You are reading this.

Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.

Fact 3: You just tried it.

Fact 4: You're smiling.

Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.

Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.

Fact 8: You just checked it.

Fact 9: You're smiling again.

Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment. :)

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A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head.

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

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Roses are red.

Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

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More jokes about: #Insult jokes
Police: Where do u live?

Police: Where do u live?

Me: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?

Me: With Me.

Police: Where do you all live?

Me: Together.

Police: Where is your house?

Me: Next to my neighbors house.

Police: Where is your neighbors house?

Me: You won't believe me if I tell you.

Police: Tell Me!

Me: Next to my house.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

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Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

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More jokes about: #Clean jokes #Family jokes
Rate kickass only this if your name isn't Steve.

Rate kickass only this if your name isn't Steve.

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Boy: *calls 911* Hello?

Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!

911: Alright, What is it?

Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!

911: So what's your emergency?

Boy: The ugly one is winning.

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3 drunk guys enterd a taxi.

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

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Your momma's so ugly, when she goes into a strip club, they pay her to keep her clothes on.

Your momma's so ugly, when she goes into a strip club, they pay her to keep her clothes on.

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Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)

Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!

...Next Day...

(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!

Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)

Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.

Mom:...

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
My friend: Your dick is probably like a tic tac.

My friend: Your dick is probably like a tic tac.

Me: No wonder your moms mouth is so fresh.

Class: OOOOHHHHHH!!!

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Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

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More jokes about: #School jokes
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

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More jokes about: #Math #Quotes #Stupid #Top #100
Press kickass if your name is not JEFF

Press kickass if your name is not JEFF

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"Haha, you failed!"

"Haha, you failed!"

"Yeah, so did your dad's condom."

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback